Alright, so it's a strange beginning.
I don't often spill my soul out. Maybe I should do it more often. Stress is something that is caused by bottling yourself up for too long. Eventually it drains you. It kills you. It tears you to pieces before your very eyes and it seems like there's nothing that you can do to stop it.
I've created this Blog on the thought that nobody who knows me will find it. Allowing me a reprieve from the constant bullshit I appear to get from them. Drama, more drama. The heartless idiocy that tends to come from those same people. It makes me sick, in all honesty. Some people thrive off of it as though its that ... thing... that they have to have every fucking morning. Like coffee. It's like these people wake up, pop a tylenol for their hangover (this is on tuesday morning btw), go to work, have a cup of hot coffee with a cup of drama. Fuck the sugar. Give me some squealing he said she said bullshit in the morning, at lunch, in the afternoon, the evening, at the bar, at the club, while you're fucking, god damn! Lets just PILE it on like there's no tomorrow.
I recently almost got into a fight because of this tripe. It's been weeks at this point, maybe over a month, and I am still pissed off about it. They were all drunk, there was one instigator, I know the others would have jumped in. I know very well I can take care of myself in a fight, and I was sober. I could have taken all of them with some difficulty, but I still could have done it. So... why didn't I? I so wanted to do it. Just punch the instigator right in the face.
Oh, right. I'm no longer in highschool. I go to jail for getting in a fight these days. The last thing I want is to get booked for fighting, or worse: Assault. I'm sure that that would make everything so much better, and then some. I turned my back on them, and walked off. I was actually all but praying that I was going to get jumped from behind just so I could pummel some face into concrete. But no... They were just talking shit. They didn't jump me. They didn't even say anything.
Anger isn't something I deal with very easily. Course, you wouldn't believe how much it takes to make me angry. It takes something on a high order of magnitude to actually trip that blood vessel in the brain to cause the gates of testosterone to boil over.
I don't like being angry at all. I'm fuming even now, just thinking about that entire situation. They happen so rarely it's easy to focus on them. I'm sure there's no reason for anyone to be afraid of me, since I'm only over 74" tall and about 185 pounds thereabouts.
I'm one of those guys that is always laughing at something, always jeering, and always poking fun and sometimes teasing. I'm also pretty damned serious when I need to be, straight to the point. Blunt. Direct. Goal driven. Always with the end in my mind. I never see myself angry, and due to my personality there's usually never a reason for people to be angry at me.
Although there are the common traits of mankind. Ya know, greed, jealousy, petty hatreds, stupidity, etc. The things you can't stop.
Not to say that I haven't caused or even acted in some of those fashions throughout my time. I've done all of them, that is how I can truly identify them as the bad actions/activities that they are. It's very difficult to deal with them, and the shame that the memories of doing those actions brings great sorrow to my heart. I've actually caused many things in my day that I would never wish upon anyone else for as long as I live. Short of killing people and drinking their blood like some cheap zombie flick.
I used to have many friends. Many apologies later, I still do not have them, and I understand that as something that will probably never change. I can keep them as acquaintances, but I'll never truly have them as friends ever again. There's too much bad blood between us, unfortunately.
Here's where things apparently change though... I understand my faults. I understand my mistakes. I understand the causes of those mistakes. I understand what I should have done differently. I understand remorse. I understand forgiviness.
It seems that people in general have completely lost touch with these things. That makes the world most foul. The people, all of the people that night actually, have lost touch with these things. They knew, and continue to know only drama. Only something that causes disatisfaction. Only something that causes someone to look good, and someone to look bad. Only petty distrust and general dumbshittery.
I guess I'm just evolved. The thought of all of those people never getting past the stage in life that they currently exist in makes me want to just crawl into the fetal position and cry. It's like drama and stupidity is their religion. It's their high in life. All they ever truly achieve. It's petty. It's pathetic. It's ... human.
I know ranting about it on the internet never helps, and makes me look just as shallow, stupid, and petty as some of them. There's just one small difference. I'm going the route of anonymity, where I can't actually hurt anyone.
Now if I could just deal with women better, I might have a happier life.
*sniffle*
I've created this Blog on the thought that nobody who knows me will find it. Allowing me a reprieve from the constant bullshit I appear to get from them. Drama, more drama. The heartless idiocy that tends to come from those same people. It makes me sick, in all honesty. Some people thrive off of it as though its that ... thing... that they have to have every fucking morning. Like coffee. It's like these people wake up, pop a tylenol for their hangover (this is on tuesday morning btw), go to work, have a cup of hot coffee with a cup of drama. Fuck the sugar. Give me some squealing he said she said bullshit in the morning, at lunch, in the afternoon, the evening, at the bar, at the club, while you're fucking, god damn! Lets just PILE it on like there's no tomorrow.
I recently almost got into a fight because of this tripe. It's been weeks at this point, maybe over a month, and I am still pissed off about it. They were all drunk, there was one instigator, I know the others would have jumped in. I know very well I can take care of myself in a fight, and I was sober. I could have taken all of them with some difficulty, but I still could have done it. So... why didn't I? I so wanted to do it. Just punch the instigator right in the face.
Oh, right. I'm no longer in highschool. I go to jail for getting in a fight these days. The last thing I want is to get booked for fighting, or worse: Assault. I'm sure that that would make everything so much better, and then some. I turned my back on them, and walked off. I was actually all but praying that I was going to get jumped from behind just so I could pummel some face into concrete. But no... They were just talking shit. They didn't jump me. They didn't even say anything.
Anger isn't something I deal with very easily. Course, you wouldn't believe how much it takes to make me angry. It takes something on a high order of magnitude to actually trip that blood vessel in the brain to cause the gates of testosterone to boil over.
I don't like being angry at all. I'm fuming even now, just thinking about that entire situation. They happen so rarely it's easy to focus on them. I'm sure there's no reason for anyone to be afraid of me, since I'm only over 74" tall and about 185 pounds thereabouts.
I'm one of those guys that is always laughing at something, always jeering, and always poking fun and sometimes teasing. I'm also pretty damned serious when I need to be, straight to the point. Blunt. Direct. Goal driven. Always with the end in my mind. I never see myself angry, and due to my personality there's usually never a reason for people to be angry at me.
Although there are the common traits of mankind. Ya know, greed, jealousy, petty hatreds, stupidity, etc. The things you can't stop.
Not to say that I haven't caused or even acted in some of those fashions throughout my time. I've done all of them, that is how I can truly identify them as the bad actions/activities that they are. It's very difficult to deal with them, and the shame that the memories of doing those actions brings great sorrow to my heart. I've actually caused many things in my day that I would never wish upon anyone else for as long as I live. Short of killing people and drinking their blood like some cheap zombie flick.
I used to have many friends. Many apologies later, I still do not have them, and I understand that as something that will probably never change. I can keep them as acquaintances, but I'll never truly have them as friends ever again. There's too much bad blood between us, unfortunately.
Here's where things apparently change though... I understand my faults. I understand my mistakes. I understand the causes of those mistakes. I understand what I should have done differently. I understand remorse. I understand forgiviness.
It seems that people in general have completely lost touch with these things. That makes the world most foul. The people, all of the people that night actually, have lost touch with these things. They knew, and continue to know only drama. Only something that causes disatisfaction. Only something that causes someone to look good, and someone to look bad. Only petty distrust and general dumbshittery.
I guess I'm just evolved. The thought of all of those people never getting past the stage in life that they currently exist in makes me want to just crawl into the fetal position and cry. It's like drama and stupidity is their religion. It's their high in life. All they ever truly achieve. It's petty. It's pathetic. It's ... human.
I know ranting about it on the internet never helps, and makes me look just as shallow, stupid, and petty as some of them. There's just one small difference. I'm going the route of anonymity, where I can't actually hurt anyone.
Now if I could just deal with women better, I might have a happier life.
*sniffle*
posted by Olympian at 6:48 PM
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