I live my life by a code.

I know that many people do not, since I see it all the time. People lie. People cheat. People steal. People betray. People hurt others. People demoralize, chastise, and they continue to do so because 'they're right'.

Why?

I tend to use myself as an example with topics such as this for a couple of reasons, one of which is that I don't truly 'know' any of you here enough to use any of you as examples, and the other I won't go into to keep this thread mostly clean.

I am an ideologist. I 'know' how society should be. I see ways it could change. Unfortunately, I can also see why it will not. All I can really do is make the difference in my own life, lead by my own convictions and beliefs. If people really want the change they can follow me where I lead them.

People will always do what they do. That is what they are taught to do. As values and morality leaves our society day by day through the use of advertising, or crap on the TV, and as more and more children are raised by the TV instead of by a parent or two,

We have young girls that are now dressing up like hookers to go to school, as young as the age of five. Tube tops, short shorts/skirts, etc. Why? Their mother who believes it to be the norm thinks it's "cute". Meanwhile, her little girl is abducted a month later, molested, and killed because it caught some pervert's eye.

I'm not saying dressing slutty is bad, because back in highschool I greatly enjoyed getting sneak peeks up girls skirts, and the sometimes that they weren't wearing anything underneath just made my day. But those girls were at least 14-18, and developed, and blossoming into full adults. They're expected to have horomones that match the clothing. Plus, I was in highschool with a raging hard on the entire time, and also 14-17.

Comon.. dressing your five year old like shes fifteen? Is there not a limit anymore? I was at Home Depot about two months ago with my girlfriend. We walked by a woman who had three little girls. One wasn't older than nine or ten. One was in diapers, and the other was maybe five. They were dressed like little prostitutes. I made the comment to my girlfriend that that woman was in for a world of trouble later, since she's already dressing her little girls up as prostitutes. My girlfriend made responded with, "well, they were just checking you out and giving me dirty looks."

You see, there is something very wrong with that picture. I understand that instincts are instincts and boys and girls regardless of age think about breeding. And I understand that it was harmless for them to do what they did. But the fact that they were dressed as they were made it dirty, instead of innocent.

You also have the food issue. Nine year olds with tits, and are ragging? There's something a bit wrong about that. The horomones we put into our foods are the prime cause of that. Our water supply being the second. I'm rather curious as to why nothing is being done about that.

What do I see as something we can change here?
The easiest thing would of course be the parents. Quit dressing your kids up as hookers and gangsters. Explain to them what the pop-culture is, and if they follow it, they're nothing but pawns and brainless idiots spending their money on gold teeth, breast implants, and Cadillac Escalades. Explain to them that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The cover of the book is not the book. And trying to be 'as pretty as everyone on TV' is exactly that. "Trying to be pretty as everyone on TV".

Teach your kids the foundation morals in life. Don't just send them to church to 'learn the gospel', especially since church in our country is getting to be a normal 'business', similar to Wal-Mart or Lowe's. Let them know that religion is not an excuse for any crime they may commit. Their actions will fall back on you. Their dishonorable acts will dishonor you. Their honor will honor you. Make them know that the better things they do, the more proud you will be. Teach them responsibility. Teach them the values of society. Teach them that it is always better to take the first hit than to give the first, but to never take the last. Teach them courage. Teach them the things that TV won't, and cannot, and never will beyond the 'moral of the story' notes.

Where are we as a society now? If somebody says that they are 'moral and just' because they 'go to church', I want to reach out and slap them. You are never moral and just, just because you believe in Jesus Christ, or Allah, or Muhammed, or David.
It doesn't matter what church you go to. It doesn't matter what your religion says. What matters is your actions. What matters is that your actions hurt nobody. What matters is that your morality, your values, your sense of honor, and your sense of the truth & justice remains steadfast.

What else has been lost?

Shame.

People feel no shame for anything they do anymore. They have sex with a married woman and feel no shame. They shoot someone and feel no shame. They steal and feel no shame. They cheat on their husbands or wives and feel no shame. There's no reason for us to have lost this, and it's absolutely terrible that we even could.

I was nine years old when I did five finger discount. I didn't feel shame. When I saw the look on my Dad's face and realized that I had hurt him, I felt shame. I dishonored him by what he did. And he made damn sure that I knew it afterwards.

Kids are shameless these days. People no longer take responsibility for their actions. Those that do are never remembered. And people who take responsibility for other's shortfalls are even moreso.

Our country's greatest strength is also its greatest weakness. Freedom of speech. Consitutionallly, it protects what is most important to us, but it also protects those that market and spread propaghanda for their own benefit. I would never change our constitution, and I love it just how it is. Infact, I cannot do anything. Nothing except set an example in my own life.

I can only hope others follow.

Living in a free society is the best thing there is. You can talk when you want. Walk when you want. Drive when you want. Defend yourself how you want.

For the sake of yourself and those around you... you could at least live a good and moral life. You could quit dressing your kids like you see them on tv. You could start explaining to your kids that tv is not reality, and 'reality' shows are not reality. You could do your part to stop the cycle.

You could teach 'honor thy mother and father', and 'be good to all others', and the basic foundations found in pretty much every religion on the planet.

Quit being a fuckup, and get with the program. Thanks.

Dreamscape 04/23/06

I walked up from the street to a large building with small windows. The surroundings were grey and drab. Beaten down. War had apparently happened here recently, citing the artillery shells and whatnot sitting in the middle of the wall. I walked up a staircase to what was left to the insides of what appeared to be some sort of prison. I looked at myself in a mirror, looked around. The surroundings in the mirror were not as hostile looking as they were when you actually looked at them.

As I proceeded down the hallway, I came to a sort of indoor camp. It was well sheltered. It looked kind of like a hobo area. The second I showed my face, there were guns in it. I didn't blink (or at least I don't remember blinking), as they all began to point their weapons at me. I stepped down the stairs towards the two leaders, which I felt as though I recognized. They started screaming at me, asking why I was there. I was a disgrace to them. A traitor. I deserved to die for my crimes.

"You have no right to be here." The bigger one said.

"Leave or we will kill you." Said the other, who appeared slightly younger.

"I am here for other reasons." I said. "This war, has taken a life of its own. I cannot stop it. If I try to stop it, I will surely be killed by those in my own cabinet, and the war would continue to rage while they line their own pockets."

"You lie!" The bigger one said.

"Look at me, young one. I have not even had a chance to bathe in at least two days. Would the man that leads the war from the safety of his own palace allow himself to degenerate in such a way?" I returned.

The younger one had a tear burst from his eye and he raised the gun back up to my head. "YOU MUST DIE!" He screamed.

"Put your gun down. I have come here for reasons of peace." I said softly.

The bigger one also had a tear coming down his left cheek, "then what will you do with us?"

"I want you to help me end this war between us. It is tearing us appart even more than that of a simply feudal family. Others from outside our country line their pockets from greed, and all we do is suffer. Join me, as my two newest advisors, and bodyguards. I want to send a message to the rest of them, and the rest of the world. We are done being pawns." I knelt as I asked again, "Join me, and lets end this, together."

They could have executed me right there, and had their vengeance for my crimes. It was just too good of an opportunity to pass up. I knew they were both men of honor, as was I. The problem wasn't my honor, or theirs. The problem was everyone elses. They both lowered their weapons, and so did the other hundred or so with various types of weapons that were trained on me, from pistols to rpg's.

"We will accept your offer. We will say goodbye to our families, and be with you soon. Please, wait in the next hallway, just be careful. It's not our territory."

I don't know why I went ahead and left. As soon as I walked into the next hallway, the entire surroundings changed. It was most definitely a prison of some kind. A very, very high security one. The hallways made a very loud echoing every time I took a step. I was pacing for a few minutes when a door opened and a man dressed in a nurse outfit (a skirt, at that!) walks out of a room, and winks at me.

"Are you one of the two that's coming to come see me?" He asked.

"No, I'm waiting for a couple of people myself." I answered politely.

"Oh, hmm. Such a pity, you're a hot one." He responded, winking again. And he walked into a room that had the red cross on it.

As I continued pacing, two guys, roughly my age (albeit a little younger) came up the stairs and were talking about a "hot babe in a nurses outfit that would do them both." I felt the need to discourage this, and proceeded in their direction. If not, they were both about to get embarassed, or worse.

I only caught one, and I said in a whisper to him "it's not a girl, it's a dude." He turned around and looked at me with a questioning look, in which I returned a very serious look with a nod, and a gesture to get the fuck out before it was too late. The other guy kept walking, and it looked like he had found the door.

I bolted over to him when the dude in the nurse outfit burst out of the door. Impressive makeup, didn't look so much like a guy anymore, but he would only appear female to those that didn't see him a few minutes ago. The 'nurse' was swinging him around as though they were dancing, and whenever he passed I would whisper "That" "is" "a" "dude". The look of shock entered his face as he let go of the nurse, and flew through an open window, screaming.

I walked over to the edge. The nurse asked where he had gone.

"Well, he must have been batman, not buttman." I said, and smiled. The nurse rolled his eyes and darted off in a tissy.

I sat down for a few minutes. I had a cigarillo (not quit a cigarette, not quite a cigar) while I waited. I supposed that they were saying what could possibly be their last goodbyes to their families, if things went down the crapper. I heard a loud smacking noise, like someone had just been slapped across the face, and a spitting sound, then a much heavyier dull thud and the sound of a woman squealing for air.

I got up to investigate. The surroundings became dangerously dark, with hints of dark green, and dark red. My stomach wrenched, and my heart began to beat faster. I looked through the window and I saw a blonde with curly locks. She had obviously just had the hell kicked out of her, and she was getting taken off of a wall as the other started to move a table closer, stepping on a pair of glasses in the process. My eyes widened as I realized what was about to happen, and then I recognized who it was.

I checked the door, and realized that it was bolt-locked from the inside in several places. I was not strong enough to break it down. So I knocked, and grabbed a small hook that wrapped around my knuckles similar to brass knucks. When the door opened, my fist met straight with his face. He stumbled and I kicked him back to the ground as I charged for the other one as he was just about to violate that girl. He jumped back, surprised, scrambling to both pick up his pants, and get his gun off of his belt. I jumped onto the opposite end of the table and leapt from midway to keep from stepping on her.

He was fast. He put a bullet through my left arm, thankfully. I put the hook right into his left eye, knocked him to the ground, and knocked the gun out of his hand. I punched him in the face again, and again, and again. Took the gun and blew his cock off, pointed it to the other guy, and the gun went "click" "click".

I pulled her off of the table and placed her in a corner, and put my coat over her. She was frigid, teeth chattering. Seemed to be mostly unhurt, aside from maybe a couple of cracked ribs. Her eyes bulged as a warning to look behind me. I turned just in time to get hit in the head with a chair. My vision went completely black, and my ears were screaming. Someone grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and threw me against the wall. I couldn't see, and I couldn't hear, but they were right there. I used the hook on my right hand that they hadn't been smart enough to remove yet. I found neck. I grappled with my left, kicked with my right feet. I found nuts, and I kicked again, and again. Then the knee. When I found the table and laid him across it with what I *think* was a left hook (the fist only kind), I tore open his chest cavity and started gutting him while he was still breathing.

The squealing noise as he was trying to stop me, but was too busy trying to live as his blood flooded the table, was something you don't forget. My vision came back to me, and I jolted back in horror as to what I had done to the man. His eyes were wide. I looked around for her, but she was waiting outside in the hallway for me. I walked out, and suddenly I was cleansed. I put away the hook, and we left. I turned one last time to look at the room. It was caked in blood, and guts. She smiled, didn't say anything, and we left.

When we got down to the street, hand in hand, a car was waiting for us. The two men from earlier were inside, waiting. We left.

[Was about to hit what I think was another 'plot device' when I woke up.]

I didn't do my detail any justice. The fight is the part I remember more than anything else. It was a fight of passion, I suppose.

Now if I could just deal with women better, I might have a happier life.

Yay. I have a girlfriend now. Just how long WILL it last? Only time will tell.

Alright, so it's a strange beginning.

I don't often spill my soul out. Maybe I should do it more often. Stress is something that is caused by bottling yourself up for too long. Eventually it drains you. It kills you. It tears you to pieces before your very eyes and it seems like there's nothing that you can do to stop it.

I've created this Blog on the thought that nobody who knows me will find it. Allowing me a reprieve from the constant bullshit I appear to get from them. Drama, more drama. The heartless idiocy that tends to come from those same people. It makes me sick, in all honesty. Some people thrive off of it as though its that ... thing... that they have to have every fucking morning. Like coffee. It's like these people wake up, pop a tylenol for their hangover (this is on tuesday morning btw), go to work, have a cup of hot coffee with a cup of drama. Fuck the sugar. Give me some squealing he said she said bullshit in the morning, at lunch, in the afternoon, the evening, at the bar, at the club, while you're fucking, god damn! Lets just PILE it on like there's no tomorrow.

I recently almost got into a fight because of this tripe. It's been weeks at this point, maybe over a month, and I am still pissed off about it. They were all drunk, there was one instigator, I know the others would have jumped in. I know very well I can take care of myself in a fight, and I was sober. I could have taken all of them with some difficulty, but I still could have done it. So... why didn't I? I so wanted to do it. Just punch the instigator right in the face.

Oh, right. I'm no longer in highschool. I go to jail for getting in a fight these days. The last thing I want is to get booked for fighting, or worse: Assault. I'm sure that that would make everything so much better, and then some. I turned my back on them, and walked off. I was actually all but praying that I was going to get jumped from behind just so I could pummel some face into concrete. But no... They were just talking shit. They didn't jump me. They didn't even say anything.

Anger isn't something I deal with very easily. Course, you wouldn't believe how much it takes to make me angry. It takes something on a high order of magnitude to actually trip that blood vessel in the brain to cause the gates of testosterone to boil over.

I don't like being angry at all. I'm fuming even now, just thinking about that entire situation. They happen so rarely it's easy to focus on them. I'm sure there's no reason for anyone to be afraid of me, since I'm only over 74" tall and about 185 pounds thereabouts.

I'm one of those guys that is always laughing at something, always jeering, and always poking fun and sometimes teasing. I'm also pretty damned serious when I need to be, straight to the point. Blunt. Direct. Goal driven. Always with the end in my mind. I never see myself angry, and due to my personality there's usually never a reason for people to be angry at me.

Although there are the common traits of mankind. Ya know, greed, jealousy, petty hatreds, stupidity, etc. The things you can't stop.

Not to say that I haven't caused or even acted in some of those fashions throughout my time. I've done all of them, that is how I can truly identify them as the bad actions/activities that they are. It's very difficult to deal with them, and the shame that the memories of doing those actions brings great sorrow to my heart. I've actually caused many things in my day that I would never wish upon anyone else for as long as I live. Short of killing people and drinking their blood like some cheap zombie flick.

I used to have many friends. Many apologies later, I still do not have them, and I understand that as something that will probably never change. I can keep them as acquaintances, but I'll never truly have them as friends ever again. There's too much bad blood between us, unfortunately.

Here's where things apparently change though... I understand my faults. I understand my mistakes. I understand the causes of those mistakes. I understand what I should have done differently. I understand remorse. I understand forgiviness.

It seems that people in general have completely lost touch with these things. That makes the world most foul. The people, all of the people that night actually, have lost touch with these things. They knew, and continue to know only drama. Only something that causes disatisfaction. Only something that causes someone to look good, and someone to look bad. Only petty distrust and general dumbshittery.

I guess I'm just evolved. The thought of all of those people never getting past the stage in life that they currently exist in makes me want to just crawl into the fetal position and cry. It's like drama and stupidity is their religion. It's their high in life. All they ever truly achieve. It's petty. It's pathetic. It's ... human.

I know ranting about it on the internet never helps, and makes me look just as shallow, stupid, and petty as some of them. There's just one small difference. I'm going the route of anonymity, where I can't actually hurt anyone.

Now if I could just deal with women better, I might have a happier life.

*sniffle*